When I was young, I made one of the biggest mistakes I think young women could make in dating: I fell in love with someone who was poor.

I thought his economic position wasn't a problem at the time because I was also a broke student trying to grow (we were both struggling financially, so I figured we'd grow together). But there's a difference between being broke for a while and having a "poor mindset." And I didn't learn that until it was too late.

Being broke is temporary. It's a situation. You're in school, you're starting your career, you're building something. You don't have money right now, but you're working toward having it.

But a poor mindset is permanent. It doesn't matter how much money you have; you always feel stuck in life because your problem is the way you think, the way you see opportunities, and the way you respond to your own situation.

And my ex had a poor mindset.

The problem wasn't that he was poor; it was that he resented me for wanting to grow.

When we first started dating, we were both broke. I was a student paying for my own tuition. He was working a low-paying job that barely covered his bills.

And at first, it didn't matter. We were both struggling, but we were in it together.

But the difference between us was that I saw my situation as temporary. I was working toward something. I was building skills, planning for the future, trying to create a better life for myself. And he saw his situation as permanent. Like this was just how life was, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He grew up in an environment that never gave him opportunities to improve his situation (his father was an alcoholic, and his mother had a debt problem that she never fixed), so he thought that it would always be like that, no matter what he tried.

So when I started making progress, earning more money, getting better opportunities, and building my career, he didn't celebrate with me.

He resented me as if I were just lucky.

Every time I got a new client, made more money, or achieved something I'd been working toward, he made me feel bad about it.

He'd make comments like, "Must be nice" or "I guess some people just have it easier." He never congratulated me, never told me he was proud or felt happy for me. Just passive-aggressive jabs that made me feel guilty for succeeding.

And I started downplaying my achievements around him. I stopped talking about my wins because I didn't want to deal with his attitude.

I felt like I had to make myself smaller so he wouldn't feel bad about himself.

There was a point where I felt he didn't want me to grow, even though it was good for our future. He wanted me to stay exactly where he was because it was better if we were both miserable, because my success made him look at his own lack of progress.

And instead of using that as motivation to improve his own life, he just resented me for mine.

The problem was never that he was poor. The problem was that he had no ambition. And when I showed ambition, when I worked toward something better, he saw it as a threat instead of inspiration.

I tried to help him improve his situation, and he resented me for it.

When I saw how unhappy he was with his job, how stressed he was about money, how much he complained about barely being able to pay his bills, I wanted to help.

I made him a plan to enroll in university so he could get a degree and earn more. I helped him look for better jobs. I offered to support him while he made the transition.

I genuinely wanted him to succeed. I wanted him to have a better life because I wanted us both to grow together.

But instead of appreciating it, he resented me for it.

He'd get defensive. He'd say things like, "Not everyone can just go to school," or "It's not that easy for me," or "You don't understand my situation."

But I did understand. I was also working while going to school. I was also struggling financially. I was also dealing with stress and uncertainty.

The difference was that I was doing something about it. And he refused to.

He didn't want solutions. He wanted to complain.

And every time I tried to help, every time I suggested something that could improve his situation, he acted like I was attacking him. Like I was saying he wasn't good enough. Like I was judging him.

But I wasn't. I was trying to help him see that he didn't have to stay where he was. That he had options. That things could get better if he just tried.

But he didn't want to hear it.

And the more I tried to help, the more he resented me because my suggestions forced him to confront the fact that his situation wasn't unchangeable. That he was choosing to stay where he was.

And he didn't want to admit that.

So instead of taking responsibility for his own life, he made me the problem. He made me feel like I was being unreasonable for expecting him to want more for himself.

And then I realized you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

A poor mindset will destroy your relationship faster than actual poverty ever could.

I want to be clear about something: dating someone with no money is not the problem. The lack of ambition is.

I've dated people who were struggling financially but had goals. Who were working toward something. Who saw their current situation as temporary and were actively trying to improve it.

And those relationships were fine. Because we were both growing. We were both working toward something better. We were partners building a future together.

But my ex? He had a poor mindset. And that's what destroyed our relationship.

A poor mindset is when someone sees their situation as permanent and out of their control. When they complain constantly but refuse to do anything to change it. When they resent other people's success instead of using it as motivation.

And that mindset is toxic.

Because no matter how much you support them, no matter how much you try to help, they'll find a reason why nothing will work. They'll find someone else to blame. They'll make excuses instead of taking action.

And if you start succeeding while they stay stuck, they'll resent you for it.

That's what happened with my ex. I wasn't leaving him behind. I was trying to pull him forward. But he didn't want to move.

He wanted to stay exactly where he was and complain about it. And he wanted me to stay there with him.

But I refused. I kept growing. I kept building. I kept working toward a better life.

And he hated me for it.

The final straw was when his car broke down, and he couldn't afford to fix it. I lent him the money because I wanted to help.

But then, when I tried to tell him he should pay me back because I used the money I was saving for my next college semester, he got mad because "I was in a better position and threw it in his face."

And I didn't want to be with someone who felt like he was the victim in every situation and would always have a problem with me being successful.

I lent him money to help him. He used it as proof that I was controlling.

I tried to help him improve his life. He used it as proof that I thought I was better than him.

I succeeded in my own life. He used it as proof that I was leaving him behind.

No matter what I did, he found a way to make himself the victim and me the villain.

And that's what a poor mindset does: it turns everything into a grievance, it makes growth feel like betrayal, and it makes ambition feel like abandonment.

And I'm never putting myself through that again.

I would never date a poor mindset again, and neither should you.

Looking back, I wasted years trying to help someone who didn't want to be helped. Trying to build a future with someone who had no interest in building anything.

And I'm never doing that again.

The problem was never that he was poor. The problem was that he had a victim mentality. He saw his life as something that happened to him, not something he had any control over.

And when I refused to adopt that same mindset, when I kept working and growing and building, he saw it as a betrayal.

Because misery loves company, and people with a poor mindset don't want you to grow. They want you to stay stuck with them so they don't have to feel bad about not trying.

I'm not saying you should only date rich people. I'm not saying money is the most important thing in a relationship.

I'm saying you should never date someone who resents your ambition. Who gets angry when you succeed? Who sees your growth as a threat instead of something to celebrate?

Because that person will hold you back. They'll make you feel guilty for wanting more. They'll drain your energy trying to convince you that staying small is somehow noble.

And you deserve better than that.

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